When I was growing up, my Minister of Music (MM) was a huge presence in my life. He had more influence over my spiritual development during my adolescence than any other individual in my life outside of my parents. I learned Bible facts in Sunday School and Bible study. I learned faith in choir. The youth choir/ensemble was a central part of my life. He took personal interest in all choir kids. He tolerated our practical jokes and high school drama with grace - most of the time, anyway - and yet he held us up to high standards of conduct. He taught me so much about music, about scripture, about praying through song, about ministering through song, about listening through song. To this day, music is where I am most likely to hear God.
About 6 or 7 years ago, my former MM lost his son to leukemia. His son, who was in college when he died, had battled the disease on and off since he was about 3. The grief was overwhelming for my MM. Soon after that he went through a divorce. He had a tumultuous relationship with his younger son. I can't imagine the enormity of the grief he suffered.
A few years ago he retired from the church of my youth, where he had served for 20-something years. He did some traveling and finally settled in another state. I hadn't heard anything about him or from him in a long, long time. Then yesterday my niece shared that she had heard that he had "gone off the deep end." Unsure of exactly what that meant, my brother set about to find out. Using his trusty Blackberry, he googled our MM and soon found him. He is now a psychic, medium, life coach, and relationship adviser.
I have to tell you that I'm struggling with this discovery. I have moved steadily toward the liberal side of progressive (if you like to use labels, which I don't, only I sometimes find them necessary for explanations). But I haven't stretched quite that far. At the same time, I find judging others unpalatable. I'm floundering here, folks, not sure where I'll land.
As I've worked this over (and over, and over) in my mind today, I've stumbled upon another question - what stands between me and "the deep end"? I cannot imagine the grief that over time landed my MM, one of the most rock solid men I've known, in the place he is today. Then again, I would never have imagined the numerous challenges/griefs/uncertainties that have entered into my life and the lives of the people I love the most over the last 7 months either. At what point does a belief system break? Why does it break for some and hold up for others? I'm really curious about this right now. Ideas?
Posts
1 comments:
In my life I've gone from the other direction to "here" - I saw a psychic once and travelled a new age path before I landed back in the church. I've come to the conclusion that, while much new age stuff and psychics are, or can be, very spiritual and connected to God, there is a huge risk being a "spiritual" person disconnected from community. I think of what Paul says regarding discernment of spiritual things and the need to check them out in the context of a community.
So, would be my worry for your MM, he is now disconnected from a community that will help him, guide him, to work with integrity....I imagine he is probably still a deeply faithful, spritual man (I could be wrong)....but now one who wants to work outside of community, alone.
Being alone may in fact reflect his own inner life - he is alone in many ways. And probably in deep pain...which may assuaged by the idea of being a psychic. I knew another person who, following the suicide of her son, came to believe that Jesus spoke to her. Jesus would speak to her specifically and give her messages. She's written a few spiritual books that come from these "words of Jesus." Who am I to say that this does not happen, even though it strikes me as weird. There are all kinds of problems from the way she lives this out...infantalizing her following, creating a cult-like community, giving people the idea that Jesus ONLY speaks to her, and not to each of us in his own way...etc....
Nonetheless, as Christians our call is to remember who we are as the Body of Christ, as community. Perhaps, in this case, it means, you continue to love MM, even if you are uncertain about the integrity of his choices.
Of course it is always healthy to share our doubts and concerns about a person and their choices, be authentic, but not judgemental. Love trumps all.
Does that make sense? Just my thoughts....
Post a Comment