Procrastination

I love to write. Really, I do. It might not look like it though, if you were to observe my behavior when writing becomes a "must-do" instead of a "wanna do." This week I had three things I had to write: a sermon, a statement of faith, and a biographical statement. So what's the big deal?

I write sermons every week. The catch is this: this is the next-to-the-last sermon I will preach at Small Church. I have 3 more Sundays in the pulpit, but the last one - July 5th - is a music-based worship service. So I have two more chances to say from the pulpit the things I feel are most important to say to this congregation that has won my heart and frustrated my soul for the last ten years. I want to write the right sermons for these last two Sundays of preaching. That's a whole lot harder (for me anyway) than it sounds. I dread writing my last sermon next week, although I do have in mind a general theme already shaping up.

Then there were two pieces of writing I had to submit this week for the Committee on Ministry of the presbytery I will be joining very soon. I will have my examination with them on June 30th. Prior to that meeting it is the protocol to submit a personal statement of faith (one page only, please) and a biographical statement (also just a page) so that they can review them in advance.  Geez, how hard can it be for a preacher to write a statement of faith? Once again, it's a whole lot harder (for me, anyway) than it sounds. I've served on the Committee on Preparation for Ministry and our Examinations Commission, so I know to include my beliefs on the Trinity, the sacraments, and the church. I also know how gosh-awful nit-picky some people can be when they read statements of faith with the purpose of looking for "unorthodox" statements. I've not been the subject of such nit-picking myself, but I've done plenty of squirming for others who have been placed in the hot seat because of an unfortunate or careless choice of words. It's enough to give this preacher writer's block. And the biographical statement? Not that hard, but once writer's block hits my muse calls it quits and I'm left with nothing.

Today was the deadline. I had promised to email the two statements to the COM chair by the end of the week. And while I guess I could have written my sermon tomorrow, it is my goal every week to have it finished before Saturday. Yesterday was my procrastinator's heyday. I packed. I researched housing and schools. I cleaned the kitchen. I cooked. (And dang, it was extra good if I say so myself!) I finished the bulletin by lunchtime. I did laundry. I was ultra-productive in every area except the one I needed to be productive in. I went to bed last night with a knot in my stomach, fearing that today would be just as unproductive.

Praise the Lord - my muse that took a vacations day yesterday came back today rested and refreshed. The writing came easily. Both pieces for the COM have been written and emailed. I've read and re-read them and think I should be safe. (I hope.) The sermon was no big deal after all and I'm actually pretty pleased with it. My Saturday just opened up for me nicely and I'm looking forward to enjoying it.

So if completion feels this damn good - and it always does - why is it I procrastinate again?