Life and Times of a Preacher Mom

Old Injury

2009-11-02T22:09:00.001-05:00

When I was a teen, I injured my knee playing football. Yep, you heard me right. Football. Church youth group. Boys vs. girls. It was stupid, but fun. I've had recurring problems ever since. Nothing serious, just soreness or a quick giveaway on stairs. Just a reminder that once it was hurt.

Three years ago I developed a severe case of tendonitis in my right foot after the first day of my first MS Challenge Walk. I had walked just 22 miles that day. I would only walk an additional 28 miles over the next two days. It was about 2 months after the Challenge Walk before I walked normally and without pain. It isn't unusual even now for me to feel pain in that foot. Just a reminder that once it was hurt.

Twenty-two years ago a got married to a man who over the course of our marriage would teach me the meaning of doubt and fear. He shattered my trust and destroyed my self-esteem. He didn't physically abuse me, although it was getting close. There was a hole in the wall, a door torn from its hinges, and an ominous habit of cleaning his guns when he was angry as warning signals. The day that I left our home for good, I barely escaped. Had it not been for his brothers and mother physically restraining him, I'm sure he would have hurt me then. That was 14 years ago. The divorce was final 12 years ago. A lot of healing has taken place since. A lot. But that phone call from him on Halloween, that all too familiar edge in his voice, the knots of fear in my gut - all are evidence of an old injury. I'm better now. Really. It was just a reminder that once I was hurt.

Facing Down the Bogeymen

2009-10-31T22:09:00.001-04:00

Halloween isn't easy for my youngest little pumpkin. While she loves dressing up and of course loves the candy, the sight of a scary mask makes her whimper and cry. This started two years ago when she was just four. We were enjoying the early, still-daylight Small Town downtown trick-or-treat when she spotted her first Grim Reaper mask. She ducked behind me and buried her little face in my legs crying, "No, Mama! No, Mama!" The kid wearing the mask had a kind heart. He saw that he had scared her and he took off the mask and said, "Hey now - I'm just a kid! See!" Even with the mask off and the kid trying to make amends, she was still a trembling wreck. We made a beeline for home, Emily in my arms (and goodness, she was a heavy 4-year-old) with me scouting ahead for scary masks. I would tell her to put her head on my shoulder and close her eyes when one approached. When we finally got home I sent Rosemary out with Ian and I stayed home, doing my best to distract a frightened child from her memories of scary things.

Last year she refused to go trick-or-treating on Halloween. No amount of reassuring her that there were just regular people behind the masks could change her mind. She opted instead to go to the high school football game with her sitter while I took her brother around for candy. He, of course, promised to share his stash with her.

This year looked to be a repeat of the same. A few weeks ago we walked through the costume section of a local department store. We turned the corner of the aisle with all the masks and she immediately began whimpering, "No, Mama. No." We quickly changed routes and she kept looking suspiciously over her shoulder, just in case. Then something happened. She announced a few days ago that she wanted to trick-or-treat. She said she wasn't afraid anymore. And so tonight we set out, the four of us, to explore our new neighborhood. Let me tell you, this is THE place to be on Halloween! Friendly neighbors, fun decorations, and tons of kids! She did amazingly well. She held onto my hand firmly for the first few houses, then she gained a little courage. We did encounter a couple of costumes that caused her to jerk back with a "No, Mama!" but as soon as I strategically placed myself between her and the offending costume, she calmed down. We skipped the houses that had scary music, strobe lights, or haunted houses in the garage. (I tell you, they go all out in this neighborhood!) I would say the night was a great success - at least as long as we make it through the rest of the night with no nightmares.

Me? I encountered a bogeyman from my past tonight. Rosemary's dad called her on her cell while we were out. I could tell the conversation was not going well and eventually she just handed her phone to me. My conversation with him did not go well either. I stood my ground with him, but it ended with him threatening to see me in court before he hung up on me. After 12 years of being free from that hell of a marriage, I am ashamed to say that the man is still capable of making me nauseous - physically sick and shaking like jello inside. WTF?! Surely I should be beyond this by now, but no.

Had the encounter ended like that, I would probably still be sick and shaking. But Rosemary, God bless her soul, is not afraid of her dad in the same way I am. She called him back and gave it to him for hanging up on me. When he cussed her, she hung up on him. It shook her for a minute, then she tackled things in the manner of communication with which she is most comfortable - texting. I am amazed at the conversation she had - firm, very firm, but not disrespectful. When he demanded that she have me call him she refused, saying that first of all I was not going to fight with him and second, it wasn't about me it was about them. Every time he tried to pull me back into the middle she refused to let him. She laid out the issues between them, reminding him that she is just 6 weeks away from turning 18 and that she can speak for herself just fine. And you know what? She really can!

The bogeymen were out tonight. When they threatened my littlest daughter, I stepped in between her and them and protected her. When they threatened me, my oldest daughter stepped in and protected me. I am humbled and amazed - and very, very thankful.

My little girls are growing up.

Good Ole Days

2009-10-30T20:04:00.001-04:00

I love laid-back, quiet Friday nights at home. After a busy week and a wild-and-crazy Halloween celebration day at school (with WAY too much sugar), the kids are actually curled up together looking at their yearbook from their old school in Small Town, remembering their old friends and retelling stories from kindergarten. Ah - those were the good ole days!

And Another Thing . . .

2009-10-25T20:24:00.001-04:00

I learned something very important by leaving town this weekend. I learned that I don't want to make many more solo trips. Here's hoping that Coach will be packing his bags soon so we can introduce him to the adventures of life on the farm. And no, we won't make him help deliver any baby calves like my dad had to yesterday. . . maybe. ;)

Home Again

2009-10-25T20:14:00.001-04:00

I had a good visit this weekend with my parents at the farm. It was relaxed and enjoyable. The kids ate up all the grandparent attention. My mom, who recently had a pacemaker put in, seems to be recuperating well. It is a bit of a wake-up call to realize that my parents aren't as young as they used to be and to see the evidence of aging. Dad showed me their calendar between now and Christmas - at least one doctor's appointment (and often more) for at least one of them every single week between now and Christmas. Wow.

I was thrilled to have a couple of opportunities to have quality time alone with my dad. There has been very little of that for a very long time due to all kinds of extenuating circumstances - my sister's illness and death, our family's particular grief process, Mom's various and frequent illnesses, the needs of the kids, etc. Dad and I have always been close and I've really missed time with him.

Yesterday morning we saw a dog running near my aunt's house that looked just like Scratch! The resemblance to a younger version of my sweet companion was unreal. I wanted so much to open the truck door and let it in. I think my mom, who was driving, may have actually hit the accelerator to make sure I didn't. If I had seen that dog again, I probably would have brought it home with me. I so miss my canine companion.

My two youngest children got to witness their first live birth - the birth of a very large calf. Rosemary has seen dozens of births. Then again, she lived her first 5 years on the farm and until we moved to the coast we were there frequently. Emily and Ian have enjoyed seeing the baby calves, but had never seen one born. It has been interesting to watch them process what they saw. They knew that babies are in a mommy's tummy and as best they knew they came out through the tummy. Now they know better! Emily is still thinking a lot about the experience. Just this morning she asked Rosemary how she got cleaned up after she was born. I think she was greatly relieved to learn that Mama didn't have to lick her clean like the Mama Cow did! LOL!

We got back home around 10 last night. On the road we listened to the 2nd half of the Clemson game and celebrated like crazy that BIG win. And yes, I kept the car between the lines on the highway while doing the victory dance. Eventually all the kids fell asleep and I had to find ways to entertain myself. When the songs on the radio started making me sleepy, I changed stations and listened to that other SC team play. Sorry Vandi. I was pulling for you!

The cats were relieved to see us back home. They didn't punish us too badly for leaving them, although one of them did come into my bedroom about every 2 hours during the night to meow loudly at me. Payback, I guess. That's a cat for you!

I had some difficulty making the mental transition back to my work. We didn't unpack last night, so we were running late because we couldn't find anything this morning. I'm very particular about having everything lined up just right prior to worship, and I somehow missed a few details. I doubt anyone else noticed, but it kept me off-balance. No biggie to anyone but me. It was, as always, a long Sunday. Good, but long. But I'm excited to be back. I have a few projects in mind that I'm ready to tackle this week. Life is good. Home is good.

So What's the Deal?

2009-10-21T23:09:00.001-04:00

I've been terrible about writing my blog since moving to this beautiful City by the Sea. It certainly isn't for a lack of things that are bloggable. Call it lazy, or distracted, or whatever - I just have written very little.

So with that in mind, why on earth am I in the process of developing one and maybe two additional blogs?! I'm building a pastor's blog for the church. I'm also considering a family blog, mainly for the benefit of my parents who are not and will never be Facebook people.

I write this blog under a pseudonym, something that may be unnecessary now since the few who read it know who I am. Still, there is a feeling of safety with that. I'm a bit attached to Preacher Mom. It will feel strange to venture out without her safety net. I won't abandon her - at least no worse than I already have. I'll just add on and hope that I can become a bit more productive with my writing.

Geez! What am I thinking?!

Going "Home"

2009-10-21T22:48:00.001-04:00

The kids and I will be loading up the mommy-mobile and heading back to the Upstate tomorrow to visit my parents. It's my first trip back since July.

I'm ready to see my parents. Mom has had some health issues and had a pacemaker put in last week. I know she misses us - especially the little ones.

I'm hoping for some one-on-one time with Dad. Since Mom's been banned from riding in the bumpy pastures for awhile, maybe that will be my opportunity. It's calving season on the farm - one of my favorite times!

I live on the coast now. I haven't noticed much if any change in leaf colors here. Don't know if that comes later or if it just doesn't happen here. I look forward to seeing some pretty fall colors.

I hope to be able to spend a little time with my nutty cousin MeMe.

Maybe I'll get to sit on the thinking rock in the middle of Happy Hollow.

I'm NOT looking forward to having to deal with my ex while we're there. The distance from him has been wonderful!

We were going to come back home on Saturday via Small Town so that Rosemary could see her BFF and I could see my buddies B & B. Unfortunately, it looks like her BFF is coming down with the flu. Chances are good that we'll skip the Small Town visit this time around. You might be amazed to know how much of a relief that is for me. Considering that I resisted leaving the place for such a long time, I have NO desire to go back yet, even for a visit. None. Is that normal?

Yes, the farm is always "home" in the bigger sense of the word. It's land that's been in the family for, like, forever. It's my parent's home. It's been Thanksgiving and Christmas destination my entire life (although that may change this year).

But really, home is where the heart is. While my current house is not a permanent home for us, this city, this church, this environment has quickly become our home. I'll be happy to go "home." I'll also be very happy to come back home.

Saturday

2009-10-17T15:13:00.001-04:00

* PJ's all morning

* trying to convince the kids that a day at home is a GOOD thing

* college football game day - yay!

* laundry, laundry, laundry - oh, and more laundry

* beginning the change-out of seasonal clothes

* sermon still to be completed at some point before I sleep tonight

* glad that the little boy down the street feels comfortable playing here, but wishing he would learn to press the doorbell just once and not 10 times

* glad that my house is a place where kids can play, and repeating that to myself over and over as I also wish it was the sanctuary from chaos - can't have it both ways

* nap today. . . doubt it, but wishful thinking

Butterflies on the Beach

2009-09-25T14:57:00.000-04:00

I'm observing my favorite day off ritual - a day at the beach. I'm seeing something new today - butterflies! I've seen about a dozen - or the same one a dozen times. It flies just above the water. Then just when the waves break and splash high, it flits higher and put of reach. Looks dangerous. And fun!

And the Answers Are In

2009-09-11T18:15:00.002-04:00

Decision 1: New complexities to life and future.

Decision 2: Great disappointment and more waiting.

My heart doesn't feel it, but my faith tells me that regardless, all will be well.

~ sigh ~

And the Answers Are In

2009-09-11T18:15:00.001-04:00

All Will Be Well

2009-09-09T23:37:00.001-04:00

I mentioned a few days ago that two people I love will be on the receiving end of potentially life-changing decisions this week. The first takes place tomorrow, the second on Friday.

All will be well.

Each person in my closest circle of friends is on edge, nervous, and uncertain. I count myself and Rosemary in that circle.

All will be well.

One decision could bring relief and closure, or new complexities to life and future.

All will be well.

One decision could bring unbelievable joy and new beginnings, or it may bring disappointment and more waiting.

All will be well.

We think we have a handle on life and then we learn how everything can change around us with little or no warning.

All will be well.

The waiting is almost over. Answers will soon be ours. We may or may not like what we hear. Regardless, there is nothing to be done but receive the answers. From there we will adjust and move forward. And no matter what . . .

All will be well.

Beetle Bailey

2009-09-07T23:34:00.001-04:00

One morning recently I noticed a pile of dirt in the yard beside the driveway. "Please, not fire ants!" was my first thought. I went over to inspect. This is what I saw.

There at the top is a deep hole. Some critter had worked all night scooping out dirt - or sand, I should say, since it's the lowcountry. It reminded me of the little ghost crab holes along the sand dunes, but I don't live on the beach. No crabs here!

I've watched the pile of dirt grow every day. I got Rosemary to do a little foot modeling to give you an idea of its size now.

Finally tonight we got a glimpse of the critter. It's some sort of beetle I think. It's kind of a rusty red color with black legs. It doesn't much appreciate it when we dribble bits of sand back down into the hole. He's shy though. This is as much of himself as he'll show us.

If anyone knows what this critter is, please tell me. Until then, thanks to my father's sense of humor, we're calling him Beetle Bailey.

Double Promise?

2009-09-06T22:22:00.001-04:00

I stood on the carport as the garage door opened so I could take out a bag of trash late this afternoon. What a wonderful surprise was waiting for me on the other side - a brilliant rainbow! I called for the kids to come outside and as we all stood there looking at it, a second rainbow formed above the first.

I'm in need of a double-dose of promise this week. Two people that I love dearly will be on the receiving end of big-time, potentially life-changing decisions this week. The stressful part is that neither one has any control or say-so in how these decisions will turn out. It is literally out of their hands. Because I love these two people so much and because our lives are forever intertwined, their news will affect my life as well. I'm trying to rest in the promise that we're all in God's hands, no matter what. Trying. I think maybe God knew this restless soul might need a visual reminder as well.

Blah

2009-09-03T21:45:00.001-04:00

I went for a run/walk last night. It was horrible. Painful. Breathing was bad, like I hadn't exercised in years. My legs felt like lead weights. My joints hurt. It was one of those "why do I do this crap" kind of nights. The usual post-run feel-good rush was noticeably absent. I felt awful. I chalked it up to being one of those "off" kind of exercise days.

Then I woke up this morning with burning sinuses and a headache. Medicine remedied those, but I feel like I've been walking in molasses all day. Tired. Sleepy. Sore. Lethargic. I leave the office at lunch on Thursdays for my dedicated sermon writing time. This afternoon was dedicated nap time. I slept for over 2 hours. I'm still tired.

So for the first time since I started my new routine of making sure the sermon is done on Thursday, I'm going to miss my deadline. Just. can't. do. it. Not today. I'm going to watch the rest of the USC/NC State game and then I'm going back to bed. Then I plan to take my Friday as a real day off. Looks like I'll be joining the Saturday preacher party this week. See you there!

The Forgotten Room

2009-08-29T14:34:00.002-04:00

It's been almost 6 weeks since I moved from Small Town to City by the Sea. In those almost 6 weeks, I've had an image make an appearance in 3 separate dreams: the image of the forgotten room. Since it made its 3rd appearance last night, I thought maybe it was time to pay it a little attention.

In all 3 dreams I am living in a new house. I am mostly unpacked and settled in. In all 3 dreams I stumble on a large room at the front of the house, one I knew existed but had shut off and forgotten it was there. In the 1st dream, I walked into the room and knew I would make it a library. In the 2nd dream, it had a huge table in the middle of the room where I could spread out to sew (apparently I can sew in my dreams) and draw (apparently I can draw in them, too) and make all kinds of beautiful things. Last night when I opened the door to the forgotten room, I found that it had 3 walls of windows. One side looked out on the ocean, one on the bay, and one on the marsh. (I think my long, long walk on the beach to the tip of the island yesterday made an impact!) I knew it was meant to be my room to write. The water was my inspiration. Regardless of its specific purpose in each dream, each time I found it I was so surprised that I ever could have forgotten it. And I was so excited because I knew it was my room - a place that made me very happy

I've been told that in our dreams the house is a reflection of our self. If there's any truth to that, then what part of my self have I have closed off and forgotten? What is that place of peacefulness (bookstores and libraries are where I go to get away from it all), and creativity, and self-expression? Where is that place in me that is surrounded by inspiration? Why did I shut it off and forget it? How can I find it again? And what will it mean to me when I do find it?

Now I'm no great interpreter of dreams. I might even discount it as just an interesting dream - if it hadn't reappeared 3 times in such a short period of time. I believe that recurring dreams are trying to tell us something if we just pay close enough attention to hear what they are saying. Maybe you're better at reading dreams than I am. Any suggestions?

More Stars

2009-08-24T22:25:00.000-04:00

* The kids seem to be settling into the school routine. The only hitch I'm aware of is that Emily misses her mama every day during lunch. Not sure why that's her hard time, but it is. I introduced her to the kissing hand today. That's what got Rosemary through the early years of school.
* The wheels are in motion for Rosemary to go on a mission trip to Honduras with her granddad in January. Exciting stuff!
* I took my first walk/run ever in the new neighborhood. It's been so hot! I enjoyed it. Had the opportunity to talk with some neighbors. It was my first run in 6 or 8 weeks. Distance not great, but it was enough to blow out some stress.
* Spent half the morning cleaning out my email inbox and acting on emails that have been on hold. Made much progress, but still have some weeding/tending left to do.
* Actually enjoyed cooking tonight. I make note of that, as it is not an everyday occurrence - neither the cooking nor the enjoyment! Lol!
* I just finished Pat Conroy's new novel. Loved it! No surprises there - I'm a Conroy fanatic. The setting is here in my new hometown. Can't wait to find some time to wander downtown to spot some of the places in the book. I'm a nerd like that!
* Have I mentioned how much I'm loving my new home, my new town, and my new church? Yes? Well I just can't say it enough!
* Eyes are getting heavy. Morning comes earlier during the school year.

The Difference Between Male and Female Pastors

2009-08-19T21:26:00.001-04:00

Male pastors tackle administration, teach Bible studies, offer pastoral care, and moderate meetings.

Female pastors tackle administration, teach Bible studies, offer pastoral care, and moderate meetings with cramps.

That's all I have to say about that for now.

Four Weeks - Star Reports

2009-08-17T23:53:00.001-04:00

I moved to a new house, a new city, a new church, a new world 4 weeks ago. I cannot begin to describe how much life has changed in just 4 weeks. So much has happened - so many stories that I haven't taken the time to write down. Many of them will be lost because no matter how much I think at the moment that I'll never forget, I usually do. Here are a few snapshots:

* I LOVE the house! Sure, there are little things that aren't perfect. For example, I haven't been able to get all the internet connections/wireless router stuff ironed out yet. It will come. In the meantime, just one computer at a time (which means Rosemary and I have to alternate) and we have to be wired to the modem. Stupid little first world problem, right?! Still, I LOVE the house!!

* I LOVE the church! I haven't felt this welcomed or this respected professionally in a long time. I know it's the honeymoon and I know it can't last forever. But dang! It feels so good after the blah of the last few years!

* I LOVE this city! I wasn't sure I could survive leaving the mountains. Just looking at the mountains or driving through them - something that was a part of Small Town life - always soothed my soul. I miss the mountains, true. But I've found that water soothes the soul as well, and goodness knows that there is water everywhere around here. The beach is less than 30 minutes away. Rivers and marshes are all around. There is a beautiful park along the riverfront less than 2 miles from the church. This is a rich, diverse, beautiful, and interesting place to live.

* For 4 weeks my little family has lived 24/7 as a unit. No babysitters. No childcare. I had become accustomed to dropping the kids off at the sitter's. Not having those breaks was tough at times, but I think it has grounded us as a family in our new environment. The first 2 weeks we spent unpacking our boxes and exploring our community. The last 2 weeks they've all gone to work with me. It would have been easier on me (but harder on them) to take them to daycare these past 2 weeks. I'm so glad I didn't. They now know where Mama is and what Mama does when she is at work. They feel secure in our home, in our church, and in our city. The first week of school I'll pick them up every day when school lets out. Next week they'll start in the after school program for 2-4 days of the week, depending on each week's schedule.

* My little ones start first grade tomorrow. Amazing. I took the last day of summer off of work and we spent the afternoon enjoying the SC Aquarium. I will miss my little rascals when school starts, but I think we're all ready for routine. Emily will celebrate her 6th birthday on the 2nd day of school. (Note to self: don't forget to make and deliver cupcakes to her class!!)

* My oldest child is a senior. A senior, for goodness sake!! How did that happen? After much research and consideration, I decided to grant her request to do her senior year online at one of our state's virtual high schools. Her school supplies arrived last week - a brand new Dell laptop, a computer tablet, a printer, a memory stick, headphones, and laptop case. School for her doesn't start until the 31st. She is excited over the flexibility. I am excited to see my 17-year-old this happy and relaxed after making such a move at this stage of her life.

*Rosemary's best friend from Small Town spent the week with us last week. She was the lowest maintenance teenage girl I've ever met! Except for eating. She eats nothing but chicken. Or very plain pizza. Occasionally a hotdog. Thank God, she was easy with breakfast food! Even with that, I hated to see her go. The whole family enjoyed her company.

* Last week my new church participated in a presbytery sponsored mission project. School clothes and supplies were distributed to almost 700 children in need over 2 nights at the church. I got more sticky, sweaty, sweet child hugs in those 2 nights than I've gotten in a lifetime. LOVED IT! :) Presbytery-wide, about 4000 children received supplies. Wow!

*Two of my big scheduling goals in my new work are (1) sermon draft finished on Thursday, and (2) Friday off. Really off, as in spend the day at the beach, or exploring, or reading, or resting. For 2 consecutive weeks I've succeeded. It feels really, really good.

* We've moved, we're settling, and now it's time to do something about the hole in the family that was left when Scratch died. Rosemary and Emily want a little prissy dog. Coach and Ian want a 'real' dog. I am seeing a 2 dog addition to the family, I think. (Heaven help us!) Big dog breeds we're researching include German shepherd and Weimaraner. (The only thing those 2 breeds have in common is that they aren't small!) The girls are pretty set on a Yorkie mix - a Morkie, perhaps. (Yorkie/Maltese). As for me, I'm pretty easy to please as long as they can be trained to live happily with kids and cats. I'm open to suggestions/warnings/words of advice!

* Last, but definitely not least, this move is good for my relationship with Coach. Lots of smiles over here. :) I haven't shared anything about this now yearlong relationship in awhile. I was so afraid for so long that it was too good to be true, but we're passing the tests of time and challenges. Life is good! More to come . . .

Look Out . . .

2009-08-03T22:54:00.001-04:00

When I finally get a little time and some reliable internet coverage, I will have a LOT to tell you! So many changes in the last month since I posted. Life is good!

A Gathering of Saints

2009-07-02T21:31:00.001-04:00

Today was the last gathering of my sweet, sweet Bible Study group. We met every Wednesday morning at 10:00 for the last 9 years. These people are the heart and soul of Small Church and will hold a piece of my heart and soul forever. They are the ones I will miss when I leave. They are the only ones who can bring tears to my eyes when they talk to me about leaving. One of my dearest friends (far left) hosted us at her beautiful home. The food was delicious. The company was wonderful. Good times. Good memories.

Home?

2009-06-27T10:50:00.001-04:00

After countless hours sitting on my posterior driving through countless neighborhoods looking at countless houses after scanning countless ads and making countless phone calls, I think that maybe, just maybe, I found it. It's not exactly in the community that was my first choice and the layout isn't just exactly what I thought I was looking for, but it's nice. Other than compromising on the location, my only real complaints about it are the carpet (I have 2 girls with horrible allergies and carpet is not our best friend) and the size of the bedrooms. I'm taking Rosemary next week to see it. We'll be measuring rooms and walls, trying to figure out what furniture we may leave behind and where things are likely to be placed. Then I'll be making that security deposit, which makes it all real.

Countdown, Revised

2009-06-27T10:20:00.001-04:00

At Small Church

Two more Sundays (but just one more sermon!)

Two fellowship events (but just one I'm actually looking forward to.)

Four nursing home visits

One more hospital pastoral care event (that I'm aware of at this point.)

New Call Timeline

Three days before COM exam

Fifteen days until congregational vote

Twenty-four days until presbytery meeting

Thirty-five days until I'm officially in new call*

*This is assuming that all goes well in preceding events. The timeline makes me nervous, but if the church and the presbytery are putting up significant amounts of money to get me into the new house before the timeline is complete, then they must believe that all of this is just a formality.

Moving Timeline*

Twenty-three days until the moving truck loads.

Twenty-four days until it unloads in new location. (And yes, you will notice that unloading day and presbytery day coincide. Haven't quite figured out how that's going to work yet. Trying to conserve on the number of trips I take back and forth. There are still many, I'm afraid, between now and August 1st.)

*Not set in stone, but most likely scenario.

As I've been writing this, I've been listening to the constant bickering between Ian and Emily from back in their room. Constant! Excuse me while I go do a happy dance over this next one:

Only 24 days until I can put Ian and Emily in their own, personal, SEPARATE rooms!!!

Procrastination

2009-06-19T22:51:00.001-04:00

I love to write. Really, I do. It might not look like it though, if you were to observe my behavior when writing becomes a "must-do" instead of a "wanna do." This week I had three things I had to write: a sermon, a statement of faith, and a biographical statement. So what's the big deal?

I write sermons every week. The catch is this: this is the next-to-the-last sermon I will preach at Small Church. I have 3 more Sundays in the pulpit, but the last one - July 5th - is a music-based worship service. So I have two more chances to say from the pulpit the things I feel are most important to say to this congregation that has won my heart and frustrated my soul for the last ten years. I want to write the right sermons for these last two Sundays of preaching. That's a whole lot harder (for me anyway) than it sounds. I dread writing my last sermon next week, although I do have in mind a general theme already shaping up.

Then there were two pieces of writing I had to submit this week for the Committee on Ministry of the presbytery I will be joining very soon. I will have my examination with them on June 30th. Prior to that meeting it is the protocol to submit a personal statement of faith (one page only, please) and a biographical statement (also just a page) so that they can review them in advance. Geez, how hard can it be for a preacher to write a statement of faith? Once again, it's a whole lot harder (for me, anyway) than it sounds. I've served on the Committee on Preparation for Ministry and our Examinations Commission, so I know to include my beliefs on the Trinity, the sacraments, and the church. I also know how gosh-awful nit-picky some people can be when they read statements of faith with the purpose of looking for "unorthodox" statements. I've not been the subject of such nit-picking myself, but I've done plenty of squirming for others who have been placed in the hot seat because of an unfortunate or careless choice of words. It's enough to give this preacher writer's block. And the biographical statement? Not that hard, but once writer's block hits my muse calls it quits and I'm left with nothing.

Today was the deadline. I had promised to email the two statements to the COM chair by the end of the week. And while I guess I could have written my sermon tomorrow, it is my goal every week to have it finished before Saturday. Yesterday was my procrastinator's heyday. I packed. I researched housing and schools. I cleaned the kitchen. I cooked. (And dang, it was extra good if I say so myself!) I finished the bulletin by lunchtime. I did laundry. I was ultra-productive in every area except the one I needed to be productive in. I went to bed last night with a knot in my stomach, fearing that today would be just as unproductive.

Praise the Lord - my muse that took a vacations day yesterday came back today rested and refreshed. The writing came easily. Both pieces for the COM have been written and emailed. I've read and re-read them and think I should be safe. (I hope.) The sermon was no big deal after all and I'm actually pretty pleased with it. My Saturday just opened up for me nicely and I'm looking forward to enjoying it.

So if completion feels this damn good - and it always does - why is it I procrastinate again?

Ever Felt Like This?

2009-06-12T14:17:00.001-04:00

The Naked Pastor reads my life again!